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STOP putting me down!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 10:54 AM
URGH!!!!!!! I have had it with hearing "your drawings are ugly". YES I ADMIT They are not the best looking drawings YET, BUT WHO THE HELL STARTS OFF DRAWING GOD DAMN BEAUTIFUL STUFF!!!!! IF YOU KEEP PUTTING ME DOWN LIKE THIS there is NO WAY I can improve!!!!! Every time I draw you give SO MANY COMMENTS LIKE "ugly", "why all anime", "why all guys no girls", "why don't practise real human", "why dun prac hands. prac this prac that" ETC ETC !!!!!! ........ Did you see ALL of my works before? Of course not. Cuz I wouldn't show them to you. Always giving that disapproval face. And its the holidays. YES I will go and pracs hands one day, but HOLIDAYS!!!!! ARE meant to draw what I like. I wanted to do all of those anime fanart for a long time. But if there is school there is simply no time. And you want to deprive me of doing what I like during the hols? Not as if I go 杀人放火..it's just DRAWING ANIME!!! Now's the worst cuz I CAN'T DRAW ANYTHING THANKS TO YOUR CONSTANT BLABBERING AND DISCOURAGING COMMENTS!!!!! And if I don't draw my drawing will stay "ugly" forever!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!! FOR YOUR UNCONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS!!!
>__> Seems like I have nth positive to post on OxygenT nowadays -.-||
haizzzzzzz
Sunday, February 19, 2012 @ 11:55 AM
So sad sia, I keep asking people why they let us make our "life decision" at like 16 years old, whether we want to go JC or poly and what course we wanna take (aka what job we are gonna do)...Sometimes I wish they just force everyone to go JC (Like a high school kind of thing) then make a "life decision" at 18 years old...I think people think better at 18 and not 16. Now that I'm gonna be 18 I think that the choices I made in life at 16 years old sucks and are very very shallow..Full of excuses but well, this is life. Roars!!!!!
Then when people tell me I should have gone JC/accountancy/etc...I start to feel really depressed. I start thinking "Is this the right choice for me?" or "Am I up for it?" but what can I do now? I'm already 1/3 through my poly course...there's no way I can suddenly quit right. So I'll just suck everything up and continue this harsh road.
But on the bright side, HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!! MORE sleeeeep and more fan arting and of course more practising for my drawing!! As I said, no matter how shitty my drawing is, I have to suck it up and continue studying so PRAC PRAC PRAC Like madddddd!!
And to make myself happy, omg I saw this really nice pic below...I'm not the fangirly type so I won't squeal all over it but OMG!!! TEITO looks really good in the military uniform. :D This pic is in vol 13 cover btw...omg I wish there's a 07-ghost manga artbook!! (Coloured, of course!!!) I'll go chiong and buy it!!!! hahahah :D Love 07-ghost.
Manga panel from 07-ghost =) (source: http://www.mangafox.com/manga/07_ghost/c068/24.html) Love this manga btw. And Teito! And Labrador!!! :D (not the dog)
495
Sunday, February 12, 2012 @ 3:46 PM
Love this song alot!! But it's so hard to sing!! Need alot of "qi" lol...
My mood for this week seems to be much much better than the last...not having those negative thoughts anymore, hopefully this can extend till next wk cuz the next one week is the crucial week!! ARGHHHHH!!!!
494~~
Monday, February 6, 2012 @ 10:36 PM
Gah now everytime it reaches night I would be in an extremely foul mood. And now it's worse than yesterday. I know I have lots of things to do but I don't know why my brain is not being cooperative right now. I have to do my work but my mind is not working. I pick up my pencil and I can't draw anything out. Maybe I'm too tired? But there's no time for being "too tired". I just have to quickly finish my work. I NEED to chiong my work. Or I'll die terribly.
I don't know, any holy existance up there please just give me a tight slap on the face. I think I have received loads already. This morning, when I went to the TANI classroom, I saw a note and it has "You're not up for it" on it. I swear I was so pissed off at that moment I took that note, crushed it and threw it in the bin immediately after I saw it. This is definitely an omen. I'm definitely not up for this. Now I'm gonna rant why why why I had chosen this course. But I did so yesterday and don't wanna repeat what I have written.
Well I dun wanna write another essay today so let's just wrap it up here. I'm so sorry for the surges of emotional posts cuz I'm going through a really dark period right now. I know I just have to tolerate for 2 more weeks but...life really sucks now...I wanna escape from all of these...urgh...(No these are not suicidal thoughts btw, I just wanna escape from what I'm doing right now, but running away does nothing...)
493
Sunday, February 5, 2012 @ 11:45 PM
I think I'm suffering from quarter-life crisis lol. I feel that I suck in life, and suck in everything. It's tiring to be a happy person sometimes. Because everytime you're optimistic in something, they totally just "bypass" your expectations and everything just come crashing on you. And still have to smile. Maybe because I have so much homework that it's killing my brain and killing my heart and killing my...idk. And I'm so stressed now that's why it seems that my life sucks more than it actually is. Well, that's probably true.
I keep wanting to cry whenever I look at myself and ask "Why didn't I go to JC". I probably might die there but I think not as fast as where I am now. I should have pursued science instead. It's mind boggling but it's seems better. Well I guess you earn more too lol. Scrap that money topic because it can go on and on...but I kinda dread science labs sometimes cuz it's troublesome. Look at me...I suck right, wherever I go I give all kinds of shitty excuses that can be overcome easily. And when people ask me why I don't go to JC I tell them "cuz my memory's bad". Shit. What a stupid reason. Someone with such a calibre like me can easily defeat "bad memory". I mean, I got A2 for geog right?? And it's last minute chionging. Well in JC if I didn't do things last minute (which I also do so now in poly), I probably can do really well.
But what's the use of regretting and scolding my 16 years old self for making such a silly decision. Well, I don't know if this feeling in me is regret though. It's just, I feel I could have gotten somewhere better. Okay it's regret. Sighs. I'm supposed to be happy about things but life just eats it all away. What happened to all that enthusiasm I had in 2010?? Looks like life and age has taken a toll on me...Being 18 isn't easy, is it? I wanna go back to the life when I was 16...all I had to worry was O-levels...Not life, not pay, not presentations, not sucking up to lecturers to get better grades, not worrying about not getting a job, not worrying about whether you'll be hired in the future, not worrying about whether others doing too well will drag you down...and loads and loads of stuff.
I feel that my life is seriously screwed over and over now and secretly, somewhere, there's a joker laughing at me in the shadows. They always say that with hard work comes rewards. But I don't see any...at least for now...and not in the near future. Getting into university? Sorry but not getting any where there!! -Is all what I hear...it's seems like a really far fetched thing...even if I work like a dog I probably couldn't enter any with this shitty portfolio of mine. And talking about portfolios, now I want to rant again why pursuing science is so much better. They just look at your results...and it's standard. It's all good as long you get things right. But for a portfolio, it's really subjective. Even if you work like a dog and love your work with all your heart...people may say it sucks. Or dislike it. Or say that it isn't good. Whatever.
But whatever I have said, I still kinda like what I'm learning now. Just that...life sucks. I love drawing, I love doing 3DF (for now O__O). Well not so much for animation lol. But...why is it that I'm feel like I suffering terribly now?? Is "loving" something not good enough? What is passion for? I feel that passion had screwed my life really badly. Now, if only I had no passion for drawing I probably would be studying my ass of right now...and getting straight As instead of working my ass now...and getting a 3.0.
Why why why was my 16 year old self so dumb...I wanna bang my head on the wall now...I know everyone makes mistakes and but this mistake is too major for my own good...my 17 year old life won't come back...Yes, I can have a second chance and pursue something later in my life...but how good's that? Gosh..I guess I was too narrow minded in the past and only decided to look at the "good" side of things...rather the things I choose to listen and see, and ignore the rest, the other part of the truth. Now that I think of it, I really ignored alot of things that kinda "told me" my life would suck now. And it was really stupid of me to not look and listen to all of those. Perhaps now that I'm older I can see more things because more of the truth is being pounded into me. And my soul. My poor soul that was so whitewashed thanks to no one than myself.
Gosh I probably should be a writer even though my English sucks...I suddenly want to improve my English all of a sudden. How I miss studying, (not the memory part) but I really miss the times where I crack my brain over maths and get that feeling of satisfaction once I solve it. I really need to do some maths soon. It's like mind training. How I miss those times...I never get satisfied at all now cuz all my works sucks...everything I feel happy, then I go to class, and I got upset because the other works are just too overwhelming. I keep trying to tell myself over and over to not get affected by others because they're born with...well the "drawing cells". And now I don't want to talk about how "untalented" I am because it's another long topic...and I don't have the time to be idling around here typing a blog post because I'm supposed to be chionging my work.
I realise I might need some conselling lol...about the meaning of life. What's the meaning of life? To be happy? To earn lots of money? To get married and have kids? Maybe I'm too young to comprehend the meaning of life. But doesn't that suck. When you actually get old enough to comprehend the meaning of life, you realise that you've picked a wrong path or whatever. I think I will definitely get a mid-life crisis. For real.
Lol, this post so long, most people would be like tl;dr...I don't blame you though...It's such a messy and unorganised post because I just type whatever upsetting things that come to my mind...Acutally I'm in no position to blog now, because I have a shitload of homework to do. But I felt that if I didn't channel all of these negative feelings somewhere, I would explode before I can even pick up my pencil to draw. Well...that's all for today =)
upset and pissed to the max!!!!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012 @ 4:32 PM
1. Complete a A3 copic marker rendering + 4 panels of fully coloured storyboard in 2 hours? Whoever set that go piss yourself! You think we are gods? We don't even know what the hell to do (means we can't do planning prior to class) and you want us to do everything in 2 hours? If you can complete everything within 1 1/2 hrs then I'll probably shut the hell up, bow to you and do my work.
2. We aren't your MASS PRODUCTION ROBOTS. We are humans and we need sleep. We need to eat. We need to relax. But when the assignment datelines are nearing, I don't even feel like eating anymore. Sleeping? IT'S A LUXURY. This isn't doing homework anymore. It's like labour abuse. We draw and draw non stop like machines everyday. Even if we don't get mentally tired our body will break down. And for the sake of some piece of paper and measly numbers (GPA; not as if if we worked our asses off we'll get anywhere near 4.0), we compromise our health. Sleeping at 1am and waking up at 5am everyday? Just because of some trash. My mom ask me to sleep earlier everyday. I want to so badly but I can't. I feel like some stupid ass. We are but only some 18 year old people. Don't go comparing to me about what some other 18 year olds out there support their family and blabla because I am not them and the circumstances are different.
3. The irony. First you say that we should complete everything, even if the quality is average. Then later you come and give us some shitty grade, say that we never put in enough effort and complain that our quality of work sucks. Now, what the hell do you want us to do. We totally understand it's for our portfolio. But there is a LIMIT. 1 day has 24 hrs. And for me, 3 hrs gone for travelling. 7 hours in school. 2 hrs for misc stuff. And 12 hours left. By right, 8 hours should be attributed to sleeping. But noooooooooo!!!!! We only can sleep 4 hours. So okay..8 hours left. We have 6 modules. So 8 hrs/6 x 2 weeks: 18 hours. Maybe for some modules can take lesser time, but I thought I heard some teachers say that in the past they took 14 hours to do an A3 pencil drawing. So, the irony. The irony.
Hi, I'm Yan Min and welcome to my blog of ramblings wahahahaha...
I love anime n manga but I'm not an otaku
I love to doodle n draw n I hope I can improve
Normally listen to Korean, Japanese n English songs. Mostly SHINee n Anime OP & ED
I like drawing n painting. And hope to learn piano one day. And maybe the violin. And maybe some cool martial art. And maybe some other cool stuff
But in the end. I never bring my ass to learn new things
Cuz. I love to sleep. And loll around...
Some all time favourites of mine include: Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Honey and Clover, Nodame Cantabile, SHINee, Axis Powers Hetalia
My second homes (?): CAPS 1A,2/1,3/3,4/3,5/3,6/3, AHS 1F,2G,3K,4K and now in SP DDA :)
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