Err...I'm not really good at welcome messages but anyway...make sure your brain won't explode into tiny bits while reading the posts!! HAHA
Blog
493
Sunday, February 5, 2012 @ 11:45 PM
I think I'm suffering from quarter-life crisis lol. I feel that I suck in life, and suck in everything. It's tiring to be a happy person sometimes. Because everytime you're optimistic in something, they totally just "bypass" your expectations and everything just come crashing on you. And still have to smile. Maybe because I have so much homework that it's killing my brain and killing my heart and killing my...idk. And I'm so stressed now that's why it seems that my life sucks more than it actually is. Well, that's probably true.
I keep wanting to cry whenever I look at myself and ask "Why didn't I go to JC". I probably might die there but I think not as fast as where I am now. I should have pursued science instead. It's mind boggling but it's seems better. Well I guess you earn more too lol. Scrap that money topic because it can go on and on...but I kinda dread science labs sometimes cuz it's troublesome. Look at me...I suck right, wherever I go I give all kinds of shitty excuses that can be overcome easily. And when people ask me why I don't go to JC I tell them "cuz my memory's bad". Shit. What a stupid reason. Someone with such a calibre like me can easily defeat "bad memory". I mean, I got A2 for geog right?? And it's last minute chionging. Well in JC if I didn't do things last minute (which I also do so now in poly), I probably can do really well.
But what's the use of regretting and scolding my 16 years old self for making such a silly decision. Well, I don't know if this feeling in me is regret though. It's just, I feel I could have gotten somewhere better. Okay it's regret. Sighs. I'm supposed to be happy about things but life just eats it all away. What happened to all that enthusiasm I had in 2010?? Looks like life and age has taken a toll on me...Being 18 isn't easy, is it? I wanna go back to the life when I was 16...all I had to worry was O-levels...Not life, not pay, not presentations, not sucking up to lecturers to get better grades, not worrying about not getting a job, not worrying about whether you'll be hired in the future, not worrying about whether others doing too well will drag you down...and loads and loads of stuff.
I feel that my life is seriously screwed over and over now and secretly, somewhere, there's a joker laughing at me in the shadows. They always say that with hard work comes rewards. But I don't see any...at least for now...and not in the near future. Getting into university? Sorry but not getting any where there!! -Is all what I hear...it's seems like a really far fetched thing...even if I work like a dog I probably couldn't enter any with this shitty portfolio of mine. And talking about portfolios, now I want to rant again why pursuing science is so much better. They just look at your results...and it's standard. It's all good as long you get things right. But for a portfolio, it's really subjective. Even if you work like a dog and love your work with all your heart...people may say it sucks. Or dislike it. Or say that it isn't good. Whatever.
But whatever I have said, I still kinda like what I'm learning now. Just that...life sucks. I love drawing, I love doing 3DF (for now O__O). Well not so much for animation lol. But...why is it that I'm feel like I suffering terribly now?? Is "loving" something not good enough? What is passion for? I feel that passion had screwed my life really badly. Now, if only I had no passion for drawing I probably would be studying my ass of right now...and getting straight As instead of working my ass now...and getting a 3.0.
Why why why was my 16 year old self so dumb...I wanna bang my head on the wall now...I know everyone makes mistakes and but this mistake is too major for my own good...my 17 year old life won't come back...Yes, I can have a second chance and pursue something later in my life...but how good's that? Gosh..I guess I was too narrow minded in the past and only decided to look at the "good" side of things...rather the things I choose to listen and see, and ignore the rest, the other part of the truth. Now that I think of it, I really ignored alot of things that kinda "told me" my life would suck now. And it was really stupid of me to not look and listen to all of those. Perhaps now that I'm older I can see more things because more of the truth is being pounded into me. And my soul. My poor soul that was so whitewashed thanks to no one than myself.
Gosh I probably should be a writer even though my English sucks...I suddenly want to improve my English all of a sudden. How I miss studying, (not the memory part) but I really miss the times where I crack my brain over maths and get that feeling of satisfaction once I solve it. I really need to do some maths soon. It's like mind training. How I miss those times...I never get satisfied at all now cuz all my works sucks...everything I feel happy, then I go to class, and I got upset because the other works are just too overwhelming. I keep trying to tell myself over and over to not get affected by others because they're born with...well the "drawing cells". And now I don't want to talk about how "untalented" I am because it's another long topic...and I don't have the time to be idling around here typing a blog post because I'm supposed to be chionging my work.
I realise I might need some conselling lol...about the meaning of life. What's the meaning of life? To be happy? To earn lots of money? To get married and have kids? Maybe I'm too young to comprehend the meaning of life. But doesn't that suck. When you actually get old enough to comprehend the meaning of life, you realise that you've picked a wrong path or whatever. I think I will definitely get a mid-life crisis. For real.
Lol, this post so long, most people would be like tl;dr...I don't blame you though...It's such a messy and unorganised post because I just type whatever upsetting things that come to my mind...Acutally I'm in no position to blog now, because I have a shitload of homework to do. But I felt that if I didn't channel all of these negative feelings somewhere, I would explode before I can even pick up my pencil to draw. Well...that's all for today =)
Hi, I'm Yan Min and welcome to my blog of ramblings wahahahaha...
I love anime n manga but I'm not an otaku
I love to doodle n draw n I hope I can improve
Normally listen to Korean, Japanese n English songs. Mostly SHINee n Anime OP & ED
I like drawing n painting. And hope to learn piano one day. And maybe the violin. And maybe some cool martial art. And maybe some other cool stuff
But in the end. I never bring my ass to learn new things
Cuz. I love to sleep. And loll around...
Some all time favourites of mine include: Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Honey and Clover, Nodame Cantabile, SHINee, Axis Powers Hetalia
My second homes (?): CAPS 1A,2/1,3/3,4/3,5/3,6/3, AHS 1F,2G,3K,4K and now in SP DDA :)
Have you wondered what is the ‘T’ in OxygenT?
If you did, good for you!
If you didn’t, nothing will happen
